It's 2 am in the morning, you are awake again with rodents, mosquitoes and roaches as your companions. The spider, that one that stares back at you as you count the ceilings, wondering why sleep has evaded you is also awake, looking at you.
You toss and turn as you wonder why your life is not as beautiful as Nneka's Instagram photos or as glorious as the vacation pictures Nkechi posted on the group and the pre-wedding pictures she posted the Friday before, before the wedding on Saturday. You ask yourself how Kelechi managed to buy the Benz he flaunts on Facebook while your miserable self is still walking around the city on foot.
You sigh, look up to the ceiling again and can swear that you saw that spider laughing at you like the LOL or LMAO you usually use in chats, when in truth, you're not laughing but dying inside when you think of your life.
Nothing seems to work or everything is on hold, your life is a course in disaster, so far, you're the best student in that class.
You thought about that job interview that you failed, you blame the devil and told Amanda, your bestie, that you're cursed, but forgot to mention that the interview was slated for 10 am, you woke up by 8:30am, it took you an hour to get ready. Even though you didn't adequately prepare for the interview, you got there five minutes late, full of nerves and made a lot of blunder... But yea, bad luck happens to everyone.
Your negative mindset makes you believe that everything is not for you. You're too big to start that mobile money business, after all, you have a Masters degree from an internationally recognised university, why would you stoop so low? Job or no job, you have a reputation to protect and that's it.
You're in an expensive relationship with designer labels and gadgets you can't afford, but who cares, you can always take things on credit. Appearance matters so much in this life, you really have to look the part, even if you can't afford it now. You can always afford it later and pay back. But that later is not coming because you don't have any source of income. Your expenses have overtaking your (inexistent) income. Now you're awake at night, with rats and roaches, worrying about how to salvage it all before the people you owe, own you.
You can't really say no to your friends, the ones you send the fake LOL. Even when you have something important to do, you are afraid to be tagged as that friend that lets people down. So you sacrifice the little time you have to engage in activities that profits them and in no way beneficial to you. But what are friends for, you wonder.
Doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result is not a sign of high cognitive faculties. Being awake pondering, worrying and wondering is not an indication of progress or planning, it is torture! Self inflicted torture, the earlier you realize this and make changes, the better for you.
You need to identify what needs to be changed in your life. Like a good physician, identify and diagnose which part of your lifestyle, attitude, behavior, relationship leads to the problems that you face. Commit yourself to make a daily improvement and see how things will begin to change. Oh, this won't be easy by the way. But it's the only way.
Adopt habits and attitudes that will help you grow, make friends that challenge and motivate you, not friends that make you feel like your life is a competition.
About your expenses, cutting your coat according to size is not always the ideal approach, but spending on things that really matters to you can help. iPhone 7 is a very beautiful phone. Kelechi has it, Uchenna just ordered one, but It doesn't mean that you need one, especially with your little source of income. Develop spending habits that encourages and promote your growth.
Your life is already full as it is, discard the things that are holding you down and make room for the new.