He was always rejected and could not fit in, this made him believe that his peers must know the truth about him since all of them treat him the same way. He began to see himself through their eyes, and that was the birth of his negative self-esteem and low self-confidence.
Most of his childhood, adolescence and early adult years, he struggled with feeling awkward and unaccepted. Even when people pass complementary remarks, he always felt that they were mocking him. He felt less valuable than others and hated himself so much. Tim tried comparing himself with his family members, as a benchmark to find out who he was or have a sense of belonging, but those family members made similar remarks like his friends and this helped validate whatever he felt about himself. The attitude of his classmates and family members became his self-fulfilling prophecy of doom. He had no sense of who he was.
In his late teens, he realized that he could do certain things that they couldn't do and could convey things in ways that even the coolest of them would wish they could. He found out that he could make jokes about anything and that people actually enjoyed his jokes. The scared, not confident, wounded, Tim began to see that those kids from years past were wrong. He wasn’t bad, ugly and good for nothing after all! He began to understand that even though he wasn't perfect (of course, nobody is), that he was after all, OK. He started to see certain great qualities in himself and with time, realized, that he didn't have to rely on looks alone to be confident in himself. And this helped improved his self esteem and confidence.
He learnt that to be more open and frank with people was also seen as attractive, that to be a person who people can always rely on, a person who do what they say and say what they do, is the most attractive tract a person could possibly have. He began to practise these virtues and this made him more comfortable and confident. Soon he learnt that it was up to him to look inside of himself and define who he was..(this was hard and is still hard on same days till today according to him)
He finally understood that self-confidence and esteem won't come from using others as a mirror. It comes from looking within. With this new way of seeing things, he slowly began to love and appreciate the funny, annoying, arrogant, lovable, capable and competent person he has become.
"After many years and some very hard experiences, some my fault and others let's just say things happens, I’m very happy being me and would not wish to be anyone else in the world other than me. This doesn’t mean that there’s no room for improvement or that I'm very perfect and have very high standard of self esteem and confidence.. Some days, the little demons creep in and remind me of my flaws, weakness and failures. But to me, it simply means that even with my flaws, even with my weakness, even with my failure... I know I’m a "normal"(at least to my own standards)." he once said to me.
Self-esteem and self confidence builds a strong foundation for one to believe in oneself and is the bedrock of a healthy, happy and successful life. When you don't have it, life is always difficult and bleak.. It will always be a drag to deal with others especially your peers. You question every decision, you seek external validation, you look for people to be like, you copy everyone's style and never really have a style of your own. Terrible life! Without a positive self-esteem and full confidence in oneself, life is very miserable and unfair.
If you have not discovered your value as a person, if you have not learnt to believe in yourself, if you haven't realised that nobody can make you be you, always trying to be the best version of others but never
the best version of yourself. You will never be able to step away from your self-taught negativity, negative opinions of friends, colleagues, spouse, family members and acquaintance and see yourself as the beautiful, wonderful and super person that you truly are and your progress in life, is far far-away!
#RaSays #inspirationaswego #Goalgetter